Rodney Curtis, a former photo editor at the Detroit Free Press, wrote up some stream-of-consciousness musings as he waited for the layoff ax to fall. “Unemployment isn’t pretty, but it’s a lot less ugly than I thought it would look,” he writes. You can view sample chapters of his new book at SpiritualWanderer.com
Am I getting a gold watch? Wow, the HR lady’s kinda hot. Breathe, Rodney, breathe. They all look so sad; make ‘em laugh. Ha, they liked the gold watch joke. That guac from the party’s gonna go bad if this takes too long. Push Spiritual Wanderer, push Spiritual Wanderer. What does COBRA stand for? Joke about stealing pens. Don’t tell ‘em about Sharpies. Top boss banters with me about there not being ink in the pens. Phwew, Sharpies are safe. Breathe, breathe, breathe. This is it. This is the end of the career. How long does guacamole last in this heat? Gotta buy a lottery ticket. Seriously, listen to the COBRA spiel. Keep the humor up. Do I hug? If one, then everyone. Top boss reflects on me correcting his tip during our dinner interview three years ago. Says he knew he’d hire me then and there. Should I correct him about something now? They look so serious. Oh, oh, HR lady is nervous; shaky hands give it away. Humor, jokes, feign interest in Employee Assistance program. Do COBRAs bite or squeeze? Remember to thank sweet daughters for helping me cry earlier so I don’t now. Do I sign something? Hey, you forgot to take my ID card. It’s ending. Career and this exit interview. Guac’s probably a goner too. It’s hot. Maybe it’s the HR lady. Breathe. Why are they looking at me? Should I say something? Is it my turn to get up and sing? Do I leave? What do I do? Take bull by the horns. Start hugging. Surprises ‘em. Ha, hot HR lady says she wants one too.
SCORE!
(Hours later, more Mexican food. Guac’s fine.)
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